I’m an anxious person by nature. And if you know anything about anxiety and perfectionism, you’ll probably agree that rather than using our nervous energy to accomplish a lot, we tend to get overwhelmed and finish nothing. There are many different methods out there today geared towards alleviating this stress and encouraging productive, positive thinking. One of the most popular of these is the concept of “mindfulness”.
Mindfulness is hardly a new trend; it has existed for centuries in various cultures around the world, though it is most commonly associated with Eastern meditation practices.
According to Wikipedia, mindfulness is “the intentional, accepting and non-judgmental focus of one’s attention on the emotions, thoughts and sensations occurring in the present moment.” Psychology Today similarly defines it as “a state of active, open attention on the present.”
In essence, mindfulness is the act of acknowledging everything your body and mind and emotions are doing in the immediate present and accepting it all without trying to change anything.
For example: if I’m having a bad day and find myself overwhelmed and struggling to cope, practicing mindfulness means acknowledging all of the distress and emotional clutter I’m experiencing, and accepting it as neither good nor bad. This might be a hard concept to wrap your head around (it was for me) but it really helps, once you get the hang of it. By recognizing that the scary thoughts and feelings swirling around in your head are just scary thoughts and feelings that will eventually pass, you remove their power. This won’t necessarily stop the storm, but it will give you perspective. Sort of like realizing you’re holding the snowglobe instead of being inside it.
When we feel awful or stressed or tired, we tend to get focused in on those bad feelings, until our entire reality is defined by them. Pretty soon the whole world is bad. Our past is crappy, our futures bleak, and the present is an unbearable mess. Once we’ve spiraled in so closely on our unhappiness, it can be difficult to unravel ourselves and regain our footing in reality.
Mindfulness can be called on as a powerful weapon in these times of overwhelming stress. By consciously, objectively examining what your mind and body are experiencing, you immediately take a major step towards stopping that downward spiral. Rather than fearfully questioning why you’re feeling a certain way, and opening yourself up to a world of unhelpful analysis and paranoia, try listing off everything you’re experiencing in that moment. Do your feet hurt? Are you falling asleep at your desk? Is your stomach grumbling? Are you panicking about a deadline? Instead of asking “why” and “how” and despairing over how impossible everything seems, simply allow yourself to exist.
It may be hard to accomplish this self-objectivity on your own at first. Luckily there are hundreds of videos on YouTube geared towards meditation and mindfulness, which will walk you through the process. I personally enjoy TheHonestGuys videos.
If you don’t like people telling you what to think, or are in a place where you can’t listen to a video or engage in a full-scale meditation session, here are some tips you can try instead:
- Scan each of your body parts from your feet up and describe how that body part feels. Does it hurt? Has it gone to sleep from sitting too long? Remember, pain or discomfort are okay.
- How are you feeling emotionally? Say or write three words to describe your emotions currently. Don’t try to analyze those emotions, and don’t be afraid of them. Just write them down.
- What kind of thoughts are going through your mind? Words? Numbers? Images? Describe them briefly out loud or on paper. Don’t get too caught up with describing them perfectly. Remember, the point is simply to acknowledge that they’re there, and then let them go.
- What have you done today? List three or more things. They don’t have to be accomplishments or tasks. If you’re not out of bed yet, breathing and blinking count! Thinking in terms of external actions will help ground you in the present and get you out of your head.
- Once you’ve listed everything off, sit or lay quietly for a few minutes. Let yourself feel each emotion, thought, or sensation, without judging or analyzing it. Don’t try to hold onto anything, and don’t try to force anything away. Let yourself become a passive spectator in your own mind and body. Watch, but don’t do. Listen and feel, but don’t interact. Exist.
Ages ago I read a passage in a book about meditation I’ve since forgotten the title of. The author described his experiences studying with Buddhist monks. After weeks he’d been unable to grasp the practice of meditating, and was perplexed as he watched the monks comfortably sit in peaceful quiet for hours on end while he just continued to get more and more frustrated. When he approached one of them, the monk told him to think of his thoughts as cars racing down a highway, while you sit by the side of the road. Sometimes a shiny car will drive by and you’ll go chasing after it. When you find yourself chasing, let the car pass, and go back to your seat.
Rather than trying to ignore your negative thoughts, or erase them somehow, imagine them as cars. Some of the cars are ugly or beat up, some of them are luxury sedans, and others are 18 wheelers chugging up the road and puffing black smoke into the air. It’s tempting to judge them, categorizing one as eco-friendly and another as a clunker. But don’t. Just sit comfortably in your chair by the side of the road and watch the cars drive by. The blaring horn of an ambulance might be loud, and the stench of exhaust smoke might make it hard to breathe. But don’t try to ignore it, and don’t walk away. Let yourself be a bystander to your own experience. If a 10 car pileup happens, don’t run away, because it can’t hurt you. You’re just here to watch.
Mindfulness takes practice, and it can feel futile at first—especially when you try and utilize it while you’re in a foul mood. But once you’ve honed the skill, it can become not just a useful coping mechanism, but a way of life. A method of getting through your day. Eventually you can call on it when you’re in the middle of a task—doing homework, on a conference call, washing dishes, waiting in the elevator with a guy that smells really bad.
It can help bad moments become tolerable, and good moments become even better.
Over the next few days, take a few minutes to sit and be mindful. It might help to have a cup of coffee or something to eat, or even some incense or a nice smelling candle to give you something sensory to focus on. As you sit, scan your body and describe the things you’re experiencing. List off sensations, words, or feelings that come to mind, but don’t try to analyze or “chase” them. Allow yourself to become aware of your own breath, the beating of your heart, the feeling of blood rushing through your veins, the different sounds, sights, and smells surrounding you. Acknowledge these things, and accept them, regardless of whether they are negative or positive.
After sitting quietly for a while or listening to your guided meditation, take some deep breaths and gauge how you feel. Better? Worse? If done right, mindfulness will help unsettling thoughts and overwhelming emotions ease so that you can think clearly and move forward with your day.
Any form of meditation takes practice, and in order for it to be effective, you must be diligent. But ultimately, by taking time every day to allow yourself to just exist, without judgement or self-criticism, you can begin to re-gain control over your stress, and ultimately improve your quality of life.
For further information about mindfulness, check out these links:
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